Was watching last year's SCI video. the video of the entire event.
Was completely stunned that my hair was that short .
Gosh, it was madness alright.
&thats not only it, my hair was like CRAZY CURLY MAD AND MESSY.
*smack forehead*
alamak ..

Saw the song the seniors dedicated to mrs rupesh and ms soo.
couldnt understand why then, everyone was crying like mad.
tears came flowing down like some loose and spoilt tap.
just kept flowing and flowing.
I remembered how hard i was trying to hold back my tears.
&at the end when everyone was downstairs getting refreshments,
i couldnt take it. i went up with them and starting crying and hugging them.

I remembered how hard i cried when i hugged Hazel. my first buddy, first senior friend i made when i first enter council.She taught me things that no one else did. &she was there for me. even though we didnt speak much after i've new friends. but still, we would say hello and all when we see each other. To me, she's a role model. she's the model student for her batch (: she is too, my role model. she was a professional person who would handle situations just right and she never fails to push others to keep going on. &when everyone's feeling down, she'll smile brightly and tell everyone that it's alright. we can make it. we must not give up. when i hugged her, all the memories of who i was before came back. a worthless kid,causing trouble to people around me. making a fool of myself when i could have been better back then. She didnt give up on me. she tried to persuade me. she motivated me, helped me and maybe she defended me when i couldnt stand up by myself. Hazel, you're one person i'll never forget in my secondary school life.

i wonder how this year's SCI's going to turn out.
*ponders*
okay, change subject.
back to our 'fav' subject and so far, the one ive been rambling about: Love.

love. love. love. love. complicated thing. i once told someone: never follow my footsteps if it's about love. im not very successful in love. COMPLETELY unsuccessful as a matter of a fact.trust me. For all the relationships ive been in, it's either:
(a) the guy's a jerk or
(b) me putting my heart more in work and studies.
i remembered how much ive hurt someone. how i put my relationship not as a priority and slowly, i started losing the trust and love of the person i love then. when i came to my senses and wanted to put my relationship as a priority, the person walked away. He couldnt trust me anymore. that's situation one.

Situation two was when there's a mixture of the guy being a jerk and me putting my heart more in work and studies. well, blame both parties. but somehow, i just missed those times you held me in your arms and the times we laugh with each other. enjoying each other's company. especially esplanade. i really missed those times. if i ever lose my memories and can only keep one memory. i would choose that memory on the rooftop of esplanade. come to think of it, there were empty promises. like, we'll take pictures and have fun snapping photos. and being together. i still remembered you said we'll last and you'll come over next chinese new year. pft. i saw it through then that something like that, wouldnt happen. &my dream, of you and me in our twenties and travelling around the world as a happy working couple. i guess it was really just a dream.

somehow, im 'holding' onto that dream. hoping that it'll be the dream i dream about every night whenever i close my eyes. still, hoping. for the same dream.